This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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