i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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