i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
