U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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