I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm just crazy horny about you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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