I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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