My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
