Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
