I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
