he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
