Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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