there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im holly from the hills drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
