Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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