we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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