apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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