um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I believe in your delicious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
