we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
