Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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