Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
