Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
