I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
