Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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