is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
