Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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