planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
