I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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