Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
