i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
