she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
