I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
