the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
