Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dual....:-)
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
