i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
