he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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