he wants to bone in the snuggie
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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