we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
