friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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