OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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