I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
