Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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