Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
