I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the day after is always just damage control
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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