There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
