I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
