Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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