please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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