The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
