Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
