somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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