I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
