We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
