you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
