i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
