Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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