yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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