Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
