you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
