i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
