I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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