then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
