I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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