remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
