So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
