It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
