if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
