WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
