thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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