I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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