I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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