I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
