Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
